In my second year of teaching, I fell in love with the musical “Hamilton.” For those of you who might be living under a rock, “Hamilton” explores the exciting life of our founding father, Alexander Hamilton. The awesome thing about the show, in my opinion, is that the writer wanted to highlight a diverse cast, so he utilized a Hip-Hop/R&B soundtrack. George Washington raps, Eliza Schuyler has an Alicia Keys meets Destiny’s Child meets Nicki Minaj vibe, and the entire soundtrack is full of beats that would make Jay-Z’s head spin.
Y’all get the point.
Lin-Manuel Miranda, the show’s creator, really did something different. He took a real risk and the public absolutely ate it up. So much so, tickets are still (years later) tough to come by.
There are a few lyrics from that show that really made me think. As I approached the end of my 3 year tenure in Inez, I found those same lines cross my mind several times a week, and by the end of the year they were all I could think about.
“Let me tell you what I wish I’d know/ when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control/who lives, who dies, who tells your story.”
“What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”
Now, I know I technically wrote an Inez reflection already. I always knew that I would have to find a healthy-ish way to process the Peru trip, and a “real” final reflection that basically didn’t harp on the fact that I wasn’t going to be a teacher anymore.
Really, the depth of my emotions cannot be adequately conveyed if you think it has anything at all to do with the fact that I won’t be there tomorrow to see my first class of students begin their Senior year. The panic I feel doesn’t have a whole lot to do with a syllabus.
If you think I’m devastated because I just kind of “liked Inez,” you also haven’t completely glimpsed my heart. You haven’t read my words in this blog the way I intended them to be read.
My heart is breaking – was shattering into pieces, sliding down my face, onto my shirt, making the drivers that passed me on the road yesterday feel probable concern.
I honestly don’t even remember the first half hour in the car, aside from the moment I looked in the rear view mirror, saw a beautiful Kentucky sunset, and heard something in my head that said “look ahead.”
Maybe that was God. Maybe He was reminding me to keep my eye on the road? Maybe it was a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment, but whatever the intent of that phrase – “look ahead” – my resounding response was “how can I possibly do that? How do I look ahead when what’s behind me was so important? How?”
I’m struggling, and while a big part of my struggle includes the very people I won’t greet tomorrow, my bigger fears, I believe, lie at the heart of “Hamilton…” or at least mirror the very aspects that make the musical so important and relevant: the human condition relies on the inevitability of complex, and often conflicting, feelings and emotions.
Hamilton is low-key greedy, angry, passionate…all because he wants to make a name for himself. This guy is BFF with George Washington, marries the hottest girl in town, and has a bunch of great kids. AND YET: the dude can’t stop with his pride and his ego. He needs more, more, more. It ends up getting him shot and killed, actually (spoiler alert).
While I certainly hope my folly doesn’t lead me to the same sort of end (and honestly, I wouldn’t be the kind of person to duel…so hopefully I’m safe), I know without a doubt my desire to be in three different places at once is something I have to leave behind me. How can I possibly feel so agonized when I’m getting to do the thing I’ve always dreamed of? I feel guilty and should get some sort of hold on the overwhelming fear that the work I did in Inez meant nothing. What kind of legacy did I leave? Was it all for nothing?
“Let me tell you what I wish I’d know/ when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control/who lives, who dies, who tells your story.”
“What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”
Imagine this: I’m having all of these thoughts yesterday driving home from Inez for “One Last Time” (you guessed it…that’s another “Hamilton” reference), and then I remember the freaking AMAZING students I just got to hang out with for 10 days in Peru. These heroes changed my life with their wit and optimism and perseverance. They wrote eloquently about our trip, and like any smart human would, I decided to share their words and thoughts rather than ramble on and on. I think they’ll paint a clearer picture of our trip than I ever could. These words also helped me feel more at peace with my departure.
Is this a legacy? Are these seeds in a garden I might never get to see? Either way, they make my heart soar with pride. Enjoy their insight.
Day One
Today was hard. It’s hard to start the day with all of the beauty of Lima, to then go to the drastic reality. When I first signed up for the Cross-Cultural Service Club and this community service trip, I could never have imagined this. Not even two years of preparation was enough for what we saw today.
Visiting the community site today gave me a whole new outlook on poverty. Poverty is no longer not having the fancy clothes. Poverty is no longer not being able to buy that thing for $5.
Poverty is not finishing your house so you don’t have to pay the tax you can’t afford. Poverty is not having running water or electricity. Poverty is fighting every single day to survive. Seeing the area we will be working in this week made me realize just how much we take for granted. We students could never understand what it means to be in that poverty stricken situation until we actually are.
The amazing thing about these people was how welcoming they were. They weren’t embarrassed for us to see them. They were thankful and happy to meet us. That hit so close to home for me because my experience back home has showed me that people who really need help never get it because they are too embarrassed. Never, ever be afraid to get the help you need in any situation.
Honestly, I really can’t put into words just how eye opening this adventure has been – and it’s only the first day! I hope I always remember to be grateful for the opportunities I receive, and I never turn them down. Being a part of something like this is so enriching, and I know I will never forget my stay in Peru.
-Hannah (Senior, SCHS)
Day Two
I had an amazing day today! We all got up super early and had breakfast together, and then went to the community we are volunteering in for the week. Our task today was to put up the walls and windows of a community center.
When we got there, we had to unload all of the building materials, then we got started. The walls were already made and we had to put them together like a puzzle. The wood was a beautiful light brown. We put it together on a big concrete slab right beside of a soccer court. All of the walls got put up and most of the windows latched before we had to leave. Although it was hard work, it was definitely worth it to know how much the community will benefit from the community center.
Later on in the day, we got to go to a chocolate shop and make our own chocolates. It was better than any chocolate I’ve ever had in the United States. In addition to eating the chocolate, we were also taught about the whole chocolate-making process from the very beginning. Chocolate making has a much longer process than I could have ever imagined. It was all very interesting.
Overall, today was amazing and I can’t wait to see what tomorrow has in store for us!
-Austin (Graduate 2018, SCHS)
Day Three
Today felt slow and hectic at the same time, and I’m trying to figure out how that could be. We painted the building we assembled over the course of the last two days; it was half green and half yellow. We also put the windows up with hinges, deadbolts, and screws with rocks because there weren’t enough hammers and screwdrivers to go around.
In other news, I’m finally adjusted to the long drive to Portada del Sol, the community we are serving this week. I’ve got used to the sudden breaks, flooring of the gas from our driver, and horns blaring all around us everyday. The roads here are different than those at home. There are usually 2-3 lanes on each sides, with very little stop signs or speed limit signs; especially in the rural areas. People here also tend to change lanes suddenly, and I’m surprised I haven’t seen any car accidents since being here. They don’t wait for other people; they just step on the gas to get where they’re going and hope any cars on the other lanes stop for them. Also, a new experience for me was seeing people in the city get out of the passenger seat during a traffic jam and try to sell random items to other people on the road.
After lunch, we went to Callao, a different section of Lima. While there, I let my thoughts empty out of my mind, and realized my artistic/creative side through our graffiti class and tour of the art museum. It was here that my perspectives shifted from my initial beliefs about graffiti, art, and life in general to what they are now: I saw a man that committed murder and spent over 20 years in prison, turn his life around through his artistic expression. It made me realize that Martin County, and America in general, often focuses too much on microscopic problems like dress code or being late to class, instead of things such as selflessness and service.
Later that night, we also learned about education in Peru; specifically about a lake community to the south that first had to build an island out of lake vegetation before they could even build a school in the first place. It opened my eyes to their unique culture and made me view our own culture with more respect and humility, as we take many things for granted.
I know that Martin County has problems too, but I appreciate our living situation a million times more. If I bring anything back with me from Peru, I hope it’s a humble mindset.
-Brody (Graduate 2018, SCHS)
Day Four
This afternoon we worked in the community center with the kids. We had an anti-bullying workshop. This has been my favorite part of the trip. Even though I don’t know these kids very well, I feel like I’ve formed a special bond with them. For example, this little girl held onto me the entire time. All the kids were so fond of us, and the CCSC were excited to be there. I wish we had time to get to know them better.
I asked a few of them what their names were and how old they were. Today, I felt like I really impacted their lives. I felt like I was someone they could look up to. I hope our day tomorrow with the kids is just as great, if not better. These kids make me so happy!
I kicked this ball around with this boy who could not have been older than 4. Another time, while the kids were having a snack break, I sat down next to another little boy. He was trying to peel an orange while trying to throw the peel into his bag at the same time. I asked if he needed help, and his reply was “Si, por favor!”
I gladly helped him. I peeled the orange so fast that he looked at me in disbelief! He smiled. He ate his orange and when he had two slices left, he offered one of them to me. I thought this was the sweetest gesture ever. It melted my heart!
The saddest part of today was leaving the kids. They kept clinging to us, not wanting to let go. I thought one little girl was trying to come with us, but then I realized she was just going to the store.
I am looking forward to tomorrow.
I have decided this is what I want to do with my life – serve others.
-Sheena (Senior, SCHS)
Day Five
Before coming to Peru, I went to Florida with my family. When you’re on the beach, everything is about the sun. Sunscreen or suntan lotion is always a must, because people go to a beach to stay by the water. And sun can be unforgiving without protection. Winter in Lima, Peru occurs during our summer, in which sun is rarely an issue. In fact, today is my first experience with sun in Peru. I had had a horrible headache for the entirety of yesterday, and so I had slept through breakfast to try and keep my headache from returning. I decided to not go to the ruins with the rest of the group today, because I knew my headache would return if I went. Ms. Putorek stayed back as well, and as the group left we all realized the sun was out. After four days of being unable to see more than grey as I looked up, it was a wonderful surprise.
For the majority of the time as I waited for the rest of the group to get back, Ms. Putorek and I sat on the roof. She was typing the first four days’ journal entries to send in while I thought of how to type this one. As I laid in a very odd looking reclined rocking chair, soaking up the sun’s warmth, I ultimately knew I would have to write about the sun to start with. It’s something I didn’t think I would miss, but I did very much so. Nothing can beat the layer of warmth the sun wraps around you as you step outside.
Today was full of a lot of ups and downs. On the ride to Portada del Sol, I took one long last look at the streets and traffic because I knew it would be the last day I would ever see them again. I’m so glad I looked at the streets on the ride there, because as we drove back to Barranco I was crying too hard to notice anything. Leaving those kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do without question. I tried so hard to distance myself and stick to painting because I absolutely adore kids. I know that thought process may seem odd, but I knew if I got attached to any of those kids I would cry as we left. By the aforementioned statement of me crying, you can tell I wound up attached. It’s impossible not to. One little girl kept coming up to me, asking me all kinds of questions and being so adorable. I thought that would be the end of it once she was done asking me questions because she left soon after, but she returned with a paper she had written on in purple pen. It said “Los queremos mucho”. We love you a lot.
Without hesitation, I gave her my pink turtle bracelet. Bracelets represent moments and feelings for me that I want to remind myself of, so they mean a lot to me. I found that bracelet while volunteering for this very trip, and I wore it daily to remind myself what this trip is for and why I’ve worked as hard as I have. The best place I can think of if belonging is with that little girl, whose smile was enough to remind me of why this trip has been such an important puzzle piece in my life and in their lives.
As we left the community center, I told myself I wouldn’t cry. Austin was already in tears, but when those kids started chasing after us while we were in the van, the rest of us lost it. Tears were everywhere, from most all of us kids.
The evening consisted of new experiences. We had dinner out for the first time since our time in peru, and we all ceviche. Raw fish. I absolutely love sushi so I was excited to try it, but not everyone was. We all ended up trying it, but only a few liked it. I prefer sushi to ceviche, but I still think ceviche is good. I can’t liken it to anything, because it really has its own unique texture and taste. It’s just something you have to try.
The second new thing of the night was ice cream flavors. I tried a fruit flavor similar to passion fruit, and it was fantastic. I don’t like ice cream unless it’s fruity, so I went strictly for something new but still fruity. It was acidic like a pineapple, but had a similar taste to a mango. After ice cream we went over the plans for Cusco and then watched Peruvian breakdancers in the streets of Barranco. I’ve never seen breakdancing in real life, so it was a really cool thing to watch. There were so many doing it, and they all looked like they really enjoyed it. It was awesome. We tried to get Hunter to join them but he wouldn’t. Eventually he danced in our own little circle to his own music.
Tonight was full of laughter and memories I will never forget, just like this trip. When I first joined CCSC, I had worried about whether I truly deserved to be there and experience something like that because I hadn’t been a part of the fundraising the entire two and a half years. Now that I’m here and witnessing all of this, regardless of whether I deserve to be in my position, I am so thankful I was able to come here with the amazing thirteen people I’ve been surrounded by these last five days. We’ve bonded with so many people in such a short amount of time and bonded with each other in a way I could have never imagined. This is a trip of a lifetime, and today has been my favorite moment of it all. My only and biggest regret of today was not getting a picture with the girl from Portada del Sol who took my heart in only minutes.
-Trinity (Senior, SCHS)
Day Six
It was sad leaving Portada Del Sol, but I feel like we did what we came to do.
Today, we left for Cusco. It’s beautiful, but it has an altitude of about 11,000 feet, which means oxygen was sparse. When we landed, we could hardly breathe.
We met our new tour guide, Jimmy. He seems really great.
Not much happened today, so I’m going to get some rest.
Goodnight from Cusco!
-Hunter (Senior, SCHS)
Day Seven
After a busy week in the huge city of Lima (It has more population than NYC!), us small town folk were eager for a scene more similar to home. We woke up early as usual and set off for today’s adventures.
The amazing tour guide provided for us, Jimmy, had scheduled us for a tour of a place called Sacred Valley. We descended into the Valley on winding roads that made us all feel a little closer to home. We eventually made it down in the valley in a village called Pisac which held Incan temples and terraces. While we walked through the ancient ruins Jimmy told us of the hard work and dedication the Incans had to their mountains and the nature that surrounded them. We were all really amazed that they could create something so disciplined while not having any technology.
After we walked off of the hillside Jimmy took us to another village with Incan ruins, Ollantaytambo. But not before we stopped and ate a Peruvian delicacy, guinea pig. The flavor was smoky and most of us weren’t a fan because it tasted like a pet. As we drove through the narrow streets you could see that the waterways the Incans created were still running through the streets today. Jimmy told our group that the local people still use and drink this water today.
After we wrapped up our tours for the day we traveled by train to Aguas Calientes, a town below Machu Picchu. While on the train I couldn’t help but think about how blessed the 13 of us CCSC members were to be able to come and see the top wonder of the world, to open our eyes to a new culture, and open our minds to all the things we can do in this big wide world.
-Allison (Senior, SCHS)
Day Eight
Today we leave the beautiful country that I have fallen in love with. Looking back over this past week and everything we’ve done is bittersweet. From eating rice almost everyday, to getting in trouble for petting a dog that I named Hamburger, it’s been an amazing week full of firsts and lasts. I’ve adventured out of my comfort zone on this trip and done things I never would have without this opportunity. I’ve met new people and tried to immerse myself into the foreign, Peruvian culture. But the main aspect and highlight of this trip has been volunteering in the community of Portada del Sol.
Initially, I thought that these children and families lived in a sad, depressing environment, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was astonished at how friendly and loving the people of this community were; they laughed and had the time of their life, living like there was no tomorrow. This made me feel very fortunate and blessed to be able to experience something as great as this. Even with as little money, water, and overall living conditions the people have, they still live their life to the fullest with open arms, and that is beautiful to see. I wish everyone could experience what I did; I will forever remember this trip and the connections I made with the people in the community. I can go on and on about this trip for the rest of my life. I can wholeheartedly say that I have never felt something so magnificent, yet heartbreaking at the same time.
So, today as we depart to the airport in Cusco to finally go home, I’ve realized that providing service to a community, or even just one person can make all of the difference in the world. I hope to make more impacts in the future volunteer trips I take. Until next time Peru, goodbye. See ya soon Inez.
-Autumn (Senior, SCHS)
Day Nine
6 hours until I’m back in the US. I’m not sure if I miss the United States or the people or the commonality of it all, or if I even miss anything. My brain is full of thoughts as I set here writing. It still seems unreal that we’ve done all that we have, especially given the fact that we’ve only been here 10 days. I try to reflect on all the things that we’ve done, all the memories that we’ve made. All I can think about is the impact that we had. I ask myself, did we make a worthwhile contribution? Did we alter the course of the lives of the children we worked with?
I choose to believe that we made a significant difference. It’s funny, the things you realize people take for granted. We assembled a simple one room building with cracks in the corners, and yet the citizens of Portada Del Sol were thrilled. I am still struggling with the sense of entitlement that many Americans seem to have. I just keep telling myself that it will all be okay. I know the building will be used for a good cause that the citizens will benefit from. I think knowing that the kids live in the situations they do is what hurts the most. Knowing that there are kids who cannot be helped is a pain that everyone involved in this group will bear.
I miss the children more than I have before, I think because I know I won’t see them again and because I know that saying they have a hard life is an understatement. However, it’s not all sad. I know that in those days that we worked with the children, they enjoyed themselves. Knowing that I impacted even just one day of their life makes me feel accomplished. I think that seeing what the kids live through was the most humbling experience anyone could ever go through. We also got to do other things outside of volunteering work.
When we went to Cusco, we got to go to Machu Picchu. This for me in a lot of ways was a relieving experience. I feel like it was a huge stress relief to stand on the top of the mountain and look out. The mountains were steady and were steady and unmoving. It was calm and peaceful. It was a great way to come to peace with my thoughts and worries about Portada Del Sol. As I sit here typing this, flying over the Andes again, I look out the window at the mountains and feel that same sense of calm. Just like the steadiness of the mountains, my empathy and humble respect for the people of Portada Del Sol and all the other communities like it, will always remain.
I think I speak for the whole group when I say that I feel content with the work that we accomplished. I can only hope to get to experience something as humbling and amazing as this again. It’s truly been absolutely wonderful.
-Jaccob (Senior, SCHS)
Wow, right?
What is a legacy? Will I ever really know?
Probably not, to be honest, but I’m trying really hard to be okay with it. Another lyric, that happens to be a real George Washington speech, makes me think a lot about the way I’m feeling. Consider it a modified letter of apology, and a promise to my students and my coworkers and friends.
“Though, in reviewing the incidents of my
administration(CLASSROOM), I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors… I shall also carry with me the hope that mycountry(STUDENTS/FRIENDS) will… view them with indulgence; and that, afterforty five(THREE LONG) years of my life dedicated to its service with an upright zeal, the faults of incompetent abilities will be consigned to oblivion, as myself must soon be to the mansions ofrest(PEACE CORPS CRAZINESS)… I anticipate with pleasing expectation that retreat in which I promise myself to realize…the sweet enjoyment of partaking, in the midst of my fellow-citizens, the benign influence of good laws under a free government, the ever-favorite object of my heart, and the happy reward, as I trust, of our mutual cares, labors, and dangers(AND HOPE THAT I WON’T LET YOU ALL DOWN IN THESE NEW PURSUITS. THANK YOU FOR FOREVER. I CAN’T EVER FORGET. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN….)”
Wishing SCHS (and the people that make it so great) the best year it’s ever had. Special shout out to my first “babies.” #classof2019 #goodluckseniors
Paz,
Halie
haliewanders 